A glossary of computer terms for the rural hoser.
Log on		Make the wood stove hotter.
Log off		Don't be adding no more wood.
Monitor		Keep an eye on that there wood stove.
Download		Getting the firewood off the truck.
Floppy disk		What you get from trying to carry so much firewood.
Ram		An animal you don't turn your backside to.
Hard drive		Getting home in the winter.
Prompt		What the mail ain't in the winter.
Window		What to shut when its cold outside.
Screen		What to shut in black fly season.
Byte		What the black flies do.
Bit		What the black flies did.
Mega byte		What the BIG black flies did.
Chip		Munchies for TV.
Microchip		What's left in the bag after you eat the chips.
PC		Short for potato chip.
Modem		What you did to the hay fields.
Dot matrix		Old Dam Matrix's wife.
Lap top		Where the kitty sleeps.
Mouse		A fur-faced creature, what eats the grain in the barn.
Main frame		What holds up that there barn.
Enter		City talk for…"Come on in, eh?"
Web		What a spider makes.
Web site		Where you find a web (the barn, attic, etc.).
Cursor		Someone who swears.
Search engine		What you do when the car won't start.
Screen saver		A repair kit for the torn window.
Upgrade		Steep hill.
Server		The person at Bart's Beanery that brings the food.
Mail server		The guy at Bart's Beanery that brings the food.
Online		When you get the laundry hung out on the line.
Offline		When the clothespins let go and the laundry falls on the ground.
Netscape		When a fish maneuvers out of reach.
Browser		What they call you when your eyebrows grow together.